you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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