yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
