I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
