I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
