so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
