Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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