She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
