The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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