For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
