It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
