we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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