My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
