i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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