i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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