Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
