Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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