Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize