I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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