there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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