wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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