Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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