just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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