If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
