Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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