You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize