i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
nutella sex= disaster
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
40s are totally the cure
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
