Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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