I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
