goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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