i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
