I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
