i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
