But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
