Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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