Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
