if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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