i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize