i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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