you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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