I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
