she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
