oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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