When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
