In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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