he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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