My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
