The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
