I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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