He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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