dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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