a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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