I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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