I bet he comes in French.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
