i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize