they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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