Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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