just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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