three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Randomize
