Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
