What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize