How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i would punch a child for taco bell
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
