I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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