I skipped work to stalk him.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
