adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
