You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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