I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
