so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She's the barista slut.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
