Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
