Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
