TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
