I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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