Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Porn is love you can see.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
